Hiii, I’m proud of myself this morning. So I have ptsd from my past. & I’ve had it for like eight years now, and it has only gotten worse lmao. & ofc I take medication for it.

But this passed year has challenged™️ me, and I’ve broken comfort zones I didn’t realize I had. & it got really bad for a second, not that long ago. & I broke down & had to be talked up by a few people. But then it started progressively getting a little bit better.

Yesterday was kind of a level: difficult, day. & last night I had a few people vent to me (which is totally okay & I didn’t mind at all & I’d rather my loved ones vent than not. But as an empathetic person, it definitely drained my energy a bit). I also had a little bit of an OCD moment, as my typical routine was disrupted and it was unsettling. & I went to bed with a stomach ache.

I woke up trembling, as usual, with a migraine. But for some weird reason, my mind is in a really good space. I’m able to identify that my body is not entirely healed from PTSD. So it’s still having symptoms when things are disrupted. But in my mind, I know that everything is okay. & everyone’s always saying you have to master your mind, and keep it separate from feelings & emotions. & I’m just doing it really well this morning? & yeah, I’m proud of myself.

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

thehopefulquotes:

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”

— Rumi

I have these cute tea-party-type pictures at high tea in The Pump Room, from when I was in Bath. So I wanted to share. The lil foods on that three tier platter thingy were very unique, but the clotted cream with jam on scones were….. heaven sent 👼🏻🫖

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

A Wondrous World

The wondrous world welcomes you, but I see adventures with glassy eyes and a heavy chest,

so yeah, I cried on the phone with her and in the dining room before he left.

God gave us wings

so maybe we’ll fly,

and I can feel every inch away.

I count the minutes until my return and when I sit down at the end of the day.

Never would I change a thing, but to share great things, they must first end.

It’s not the time away, for me

it’s the miles it takes to get to them.

So yeah, I cried on the phone with her and in the dining room before he left.

I see adventures through glassy eyes and with a heavy chest.

The wondrous world welcomes you, so far away from home.

I’ll try to smile when I start to cry,

and we say good bye and go.

Loustella Perry

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

my toughest battles are in my head sometimes

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

do it for the plot

(Source: instagram.com)

At the table

I haven’t been myself recently

I’ve been lost on the surface of the table with my hands tied behind my back for no reason at all…

but I drink my coffee just the same.

I lost every rose petal that made me, me

and now I wait for him to buy me more.

For no reason at all,

they call me beautiful,

as I dig my nails into the woodwork.

I’m just praying for someone to notice me

I can’t sleep

I can’t eat

and I won’t

even try any more,

and here, I wonder who’s influence I’m under..

I no longer dance in the wind

and wrap the stars around my wrists, for no reason at all, because the world is MY stage and this is MY show…

because it’s not.

I’m sinking into this couch speaking to different people about different things, but my heart beat echoes against my empty chest, for no reason at all.

I don’t rise with the sun

and stir magic in my tea,

I’m lost at the table!

I’m lost at the table!

I’m broken

And open

And my bag is empty,

for no reason at all

I just haven’t been myself recently.

Loustella Perry

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

Dispatched

I’m cold blooded, and a whore if you will. A snake so disconnected that you will taste blood with one kiss…

my head spins as the world does, but I’ve learned to roll with it.

So yes I’ll smile with your hand pressed against my throat, you think I give a fuck what you think?

I’ll drive you to the end of the road and never look ba- IT’S so strange that I’m here and I’m taking it…

the risk it is to put yourself in someone’s hands.

“The bridge in downtown has been set aflame. Firefighters are being dispatched as we speak”

He touched me with his lighter thumb, and gave me something to believe in.

For some reason I like the way his skin burns my cheek… like hellfire… the only thing that’s ever melted me.

I kissed his ring and swore to God I wouldn’t tell a soul.

-4am

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

It really had been quite the morning. But he…

he showed up to my house with cookies, candy, two love notes, and a dozen roses.

He froze

in the middle of the road

so I kissed him in the rain.

-thanksgiving

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

but she fell in love instead.

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

It’s terrifying to think that the risk of loving someone, is that they could wake up at any moment and not want you anymore.

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

“I’m different again!

Again… but different.”

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

“Who me?
I aspire to be loved one day.”

But it was a blur,
the icy wind across my arms.
“Let’s talk about love…” he said to me, with his eyes locked ahead.

I’ve been on display every day,
especially on an empty interstate.
But the way he saw me, made it new.
There’s magic in a meteor shower of streetlights, you know.

Every scar and every dream
rolled down beneath the twilight sky.
Can you ignite that feeling in my chest again?

He said to me, he said
He said.

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

One time I was seeing this boy. & he made me take the enneagram test. & he got “the loyalist” or some shit, and I got “the individualist”. He then got mad because that means I’m selfish and he’s a giver, so there’s a chance I’ll be selfish in this relationship. So then I made him take the pottermore quiz. (I’m a slytherin). & he got Hufflepuff.

((Side note; there’s nothing wrong with being a hufflepuff. I was just hating on his test results because he was hating on mine.))

& I was like “damn hate that”, and he was like “why” and I was like “because that means you’re a side character” and he was like “what are you” and I was like “the antagonist”. & then he got mad and wouldn’t speak to me for 30 minutes of our date. So I said “sitting in silence is wasting my time. Either stop being a little bitch, or I’m going home”. And he was like flabbergasted because I called him a little bitch. and there’s no moral of this story but I think about this sometimes. Like what did he expect? I’m an individualist and a slytherin. He asked ME out.

(Source: loustellaperry.com)

compassionatereminders:

Image description: “And suddenly you know… It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings” written in black on a yellow background.